Shedding Skin #1

my former boss (actually my sewing professor, but it felt more like an unpaid job) used to have this coach-ass language of "I'll teach you to make your dreams come true!" and would look down at politics and fashion history, and that always rubbed me the wrong way.

been thinking about him lately bc he looked like an older Galiiano, and I've been revisiting Galliano's body of work since he was announced as the MET Gala's theme for next year. It has been 2 years that I left his atelier, didn't even finish my course bc it really felt like I was more his unpaid assistant than anything else. The trip to the atelier was long af and, after I spent half of my 4 hours biweekly class having to help him with his bank app, I just gave up entirely. Haven't touch in a sewing machine ever since, even my cross stitch projects were left aside.

Today, (yesterday?) I saw he joined Telegram, and I started thinking about it. I was really excited for the opportunity, as he (used to be) a top of the line designer, but fell from grace due to a bunch of stuff, and still refuses to see the errors in his ways.

I started this text talking about his political leaning bc something that caught my eye the first time I met him was the face of our former president in his wall. the way he would talk shit about the Barbie movie that had just came out — whether you liked it or not, it was a fashion world history moment —, and how I faked I was sick to leave when one "friend" of his came to the atelier and started being a bigot... it all does not match with someone that says that enjoys fashion, especially since his body of work was so much focused on recycling and bringing awareness to the reuse of materials — something so important for alternative fashion!

one day he came to the atelier all giddy that he got a new designer fabric printed. I clocked it immediately: it's AI. he began telling me that it was the point, bc it meant technology and fashion coming together. the next class, I brought him my tablet, showed him my fashion sketches and explained: that was using technology in favor of fashion, not burning down a gallon of water for a smiling toucan that actually makes him look cheap. you're telling your clients that you, a man who once worked for Dolce&Gabanna, has fallen so hard that you can't even afford an actual artist for your designs, and doesn't care enough to even attempt to draw it yourself.

I can totally understand wanting to prioritize the act of sewing over theoretical study, but fashion is, at its core, politics. to wear an outfit is a form of communication and self-expression, even when you feel you don't put any thought on grabbing an outfit from your wardrobe. you are, even if unconsciously. don't get me wrong, his designs were absolutely gorgeous and creative, but felt shallow after I actually met him. they felt... performative.

but, after meeting him, they also felt like the result of a sad life. in the few months I was with him, me and my mom took notice that one of his models/assistants were scamming him (and us). and I'm pretty sure that, if me and my mom weren't so grounded in reality and had fell for his "dream come true" discourse, this would have continued for longer.

he even tried to contact me after I left, but I was really upset by the bank app incident, it was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. but a week prior that, he would have pressured me to the point of tears to join a cultural contest that ended registration in that very same afternoon, trying to force me to lie in my application and saying that I wasn't trying hard enough, which brought me to tears. during the phone call, though, he started that dream bullshit again, talking about a fashion show he wanted me to co-create (he had been saying that since January, it was June, the event would be in October and he hadn't given me any tasks to do, any leads, any theme), saying that he was sorry and he wanted to help me.

I told him "talk to my mother" and ended the call.

mom really cared about him, and we still do. but it's hard to care about someone who seems to want to continue in this path. iirc he's like 3 years older than her, so 66, and his life is a mess. and it clearly is bc he has been manipulated on top of his own convictions. all this mess and... all I wanted was to learn how to sew. I can hold myself on a sewing machine now, but the basic stuff. not even enough to say that the investment on the classes were worth it.

no dream achieved, just pity for a man that is not a bad person, but made too many bad decisions to be salvageable.